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Empty threats.

Being a parent is not an easy job.

DON’T WE ALL KNOW THAT?

Yes, I lost my temper on my twins yesterday.

Yes, these cuties.

MEMY3

Like, I totally lost it, you know?

You know how it’s like when you have specifically told your kids what they are required to do at home during your absence and then when you reach home, they have not even done a single thing?

TO SAY I WAS DISAPPOINTED IS AN UNDERSTATEMENT.

Sure, it is very easy for outsiders to cast judgment on the parent who lose control over their child. It is easy for them to tell the parent what to do or not do because well…

 “I was a parent even before you became one.”

RIGHT.

To those who know me personally, I am not really the super strict mother whose yes is always a yes, and her no is always a no. Sometimes my no can be a yes, depending on the severity of the situation. Like for example, if I say no to ice-cream after 7 pm, I might just say yes for a day if girls are exceptionally well-behaved or know how to persuade me. And then I would have to reason out with the husband as to why I have a sudden change of mind.

I have this really open, loving and fun relationship with my girls on normal days. I do not like to nag at them unnecessarily because based on experience, nagging only causes noise pollution and nothing else. It does not have any positive impact on the child.

But I also have my rules and expectations. I strongly believe in a good discipline and being consistent about it. The main reason why most parents fail to discipline their kids effectively is because of the lack of consistency. I am guilty of that too sometimes.

And yesterday was one such example.

See, my girls were required to complete their set of written work that I had assigned them before I went out to run my last minute errands for Studiofrost. They totally understood what was required of them. After all, it was not their first time.

Just a little recap.

  • I fetched them home from school at 12.45 pm today.
  • When they reached home, they cleaned up and had a bit of playtime till about 2 pm.
  • Fed them their lunch.
  • They started doing their written work at 3 pm.
  • They were supposed to finish their work at 4.30 pm

 

I specifically told them these before I left home at about 4 pm:

  • Please make sure you finish your work by 4.30 pm.
  • Put your clock right in front of you so that you can time yourself.
  • Start working on Aan’s birthday card at 4.30 pm
  • Complete the card by 5.45 pm, and get ready for your swimming lesson

 

When I reached home, it was about 5.45 pm. And this was the bizarre sight that greeted me:

  1. Myreen was still doing her written work while watching OkTo
  2. Mysha was lying on the bed and shaking her legs while watching OkTo
  3. I see papers all over the room
  4. Birthday cards were still not completed
  5. They were still not ready for swimming

 

Pray tell me how I felt there and then.

I WANTED TO EXPLODE!

 

Now, up to this point, there has been no mention of Sharleez, right?

Well, that’s because she has completed all the tasks on time. So I had no issues with her.

She saw me and exclaimed,

“Mummy, I tried so many times to tell them to finish their work but they just ignored me.”

So yeah.

I shouted at the twins until I could shout no more. I was raging. My blood was boiling. It is really no fun to be the bad guy, but for every wrong action, there needs to be a consequence.

 

The mistake I made yesterday was to keep threatening them (in particular, Myreen) without acting.

“If you do not finish your work by 4.30 pm, you will not get to celebrate Aan’s birthday later.”

And then when 4.30 pm came, I called home to check on them. Apparently, Myreen was still not done.

“If you do not finish by 5 pm, you really cannot join the celebration later. I MEAN IT.”

And then when it was 5 pm and she was not done yet, I told her to finish by 5.30 pm or she would really get it from me.

“MYREEN, THAT’S IT. NO PARTY FOR YOU LATER.”

5.45 pm and she was still doing her work.

Threats after threats.

Apparently, it had no impact or effect on her.

Hey, I gave her so many chances and kept extending the time.

I gave her the ultimatum, and it did not work either.

Might as well I plant the big “L” on my forehead.

 

MY MISTAKE.

See, when we repeatedly tell our kids the consequences for their bad actions without actually giving the immediate consequences, all they hear is,

“I can keep doing this a few more times before Mummy finally gets angry. So might as well enjoy it while it lasts.”

 

Kids are way smarter than we give them credit for.

It is no fun at all when we see our discipline efforts backfire on certain days.

When emotions escalate, us parents often make the mistake of responding by communicating threat. Let us not forget the super frustrated look on our face, the mad tone of our voice, our intimidating posture and our finger repeatedly wagging at them.

WOW. WE ARE SO SCARY.

Realistically speaking, parents need a break too sometimes. We can get exceptionally tired and just feel like giving up on some days. And then there will be days that we just feel too exhausted to discipline our kids.

But I keep reminding myself that it is so important to muster up the energy to offer consistent discipline. Otherwise, it can make behaviour problems worse, which will result in me feeling even more tired than before.

Makes sense?

I will always feel bad minutes after scolding my girls. Always. I cry even at times.

I will blame myself for not being patient enough or good enough a mother for them.

Do you feel that way too?

I guess it is okay for us to feel that way?

Only through remorse will we tell ourselves to do better next time for our kids.

But we should never feel guilty for disciplining them.

Allowing misbehavior to slide is never the solution.

It really takes time to undo a pattern of bad or undesirable behavior. But if we are consistent as parents, the kids will eventually catch on. Parenting and disciplining would be quite a breeze thereafter.

And most importantly, parents must show a united front, so that the parent who always does the punishing (because that parent is always with the kids while the other is working) will not feel like the bad guy all the time

I can never reiterate enough the importance of discipline. I have been consistent with Sharleez ever since she was young, and I can see how much easier it is to handle her as compared to her twin sisters. I admit that I am not so strict with Mysha and Myreen as far as discipline is concerned because well, I see them as the babies in the family. And really, I expect them to learn by example. Their example is their big sister, in this case. They really look up to Sharleez.

And perhaps, the reason why Myreen was behaving that way yesterday was because she just wanted my attention and time. I know for sure that if I had been there, Myreen would have completed her work on time. Why would she take more than 3 hours to complete something that will just take about 1 hour on other days?

But then it goes back to this question –

When then will Myreen ever practise self-discipline if she needs me beside her all the time?

Not easy.

But as I am typing this now and reflecting on my actions yesterday, I count my blessings for these twins, no matter how mischievous they can be at times.

MEMY4

Anyway, we kissed and we made up.

They completed their work.

They made their Aan (Lulu Aini) a very nice birthday card. Not the lazy and minimal effort kind of card.

I gave them time to settle down and all, and had a talk with them after the celebration. I wanted them to explain their actions and my actions.

Both of them cried as they explained to me why they did what they did.

What was Myreen’s reason?

memy5

Myreen:

“I wanted to watch TV because I like that show. But I think I am a bit lazy today also. I am so sorry Mummy.”

Me:

“It is okay, at least you are honest. But what I have I told you time and time again?”

Myreen:

“SUFFER FIRST, ENJOY LATER MUMMY.”

Me:

“Right. But today, you obviously enjoyed first and suffered a big deal later. And that was really the choice that you made.”

Myreen:

“I do not want to enjoy first next time. I must finish my work first. I promise, Mummy.”

Me:

“Okay Myreen. And I am so sorry for being a monster mummy today. You know I am not like that if you don’t make me. “

We hugged oh so tightly. And they asked for another hug once we were done.

MEMY1

Never stop believing in happy endings. <3

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posted by admin in Education,Family,Life,M&Ms,Myreen Nadya,Mysha Nadya,Nadyas Say The Darndest Thing,Parenting,Sharleez Nadya,The Nadyas and have Comments Off on Empty threats.

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