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The Art of Solitude.

Helloooo! Has it been that long?

This warrants a blog post then.

Okay so here is the story.

I have been pretty occupied actually absorbing what I have learnt during the Social Media workshops. I insist they should be called a course instead. I like the idea of the materials being available online so that on days when I cannot make it for the workshop course, I can always spend a bit more time digesting the information online, at the comfort of my own home. But of course it is always better for me to be present physically.

Anyway, what I am trying to say here is, it is just so refreshing to be able to keep learning new things despite the age. I have finally understood why they say it is important to have that time alone a few hours weekly, just so that you can rejuvenate and function better as an individual, mother, wife, and daughter. I guess I have gotten too comfortable with the idea of staying at home 24/7 with my girls. Did not want to do anything. Did not want to leave house without my girls. I admit, I used to feel guilty for leaving my girls at home or going out without them. I used to be so glued to them.

I used to be a total freak.

As mummies, we typically have very few opportunities for solitude. We do not have time to breathe or look at ourselves in the mirror. We are often handicapped in our ability to step outside the dizzying hustle of the day-to-day routine. Even when I did get a few minutes to myself, all I would ever do was nap! It was that bad.

But time alone is very essential. It’s like that frantic gasping breath that will save my life as I brave the waves again.

I love my life. I love my daughters. I love being a mom. I love my husband and the time we spend together. But sometimes, I just want to be alone. I want to be by myself, beholden to no one, and able to spend time without having to worry about anything or anyone for those few hours. I want to be able to do anything without having someone to call to check on me every single hour. I want to sit at Starbucks, read a book, or listen to my favourite songs. Shopping is not a bad idea too though I always opt to go to the gym to just sweat and vent everything out. HE HE.

I want to be able to reflect on life, and what I need to do better during that time alone.

In short, I just need a break. 

Not everytime. Just sometimes only.

And I think I miss my working life too.

Mummies usually have a difficult time putting themselves first. It’s just our nature to care for others first, to always be concerned about everyone else’s feelings. When I am in the shower, I hardly have the time to enjoy the sensation of the hot water hitting my back; I am always running through my to do lists for that day, and rushing to get the shower over and done with. I always feel like I have to rush home each time I am away, anxious to return back to my “post” at home, just in case anyone needs anything.

Just the other day, I was home slightly later than usual. I was on my way back home already when I realized that my handphone was not with me! OH MY GOD MOMENT THERE. So I had to make a u-turn to get my handphone back. (Thank goodness it was still there!) So obviously, since my handphone was not with me, I could not call home or answer the calls. Right? The moment I got my handphone back, I noticed I had so many missed calls from home. I called home, only to hear the voice of my very agitated mum. I felt really guilty at the same time because I knew I promised my mum and girls that I would be back home by a certain timing. I panicked all the way home. But hey, I had my reasons for being late.

I NEARLY LOST MY PRECIOUS HANDPHONE, OKAY?!!

Not my $10 note.  

Then it got me thinking. I am already 31 and married with three daughters, what?! Aiyah! So old.

HAHA. 

Do not get me wrong, I really appreciate the fact that my mum and daddy are always around to help me with the girls whenever I am not at home. I appreciate their care and concern. They are seriously awesome parents and grandparents! I could not have asked for a better set of parents. But I will also appreciate it if they can treat me like a real adult sometimes too, and give me that little space to do what I want once in a while as Diah, and not as a blogger, mummy, wife, or daughter. Truth is, I still feel like a school girl sometimes. :S

I guess I am just too pampered! HAHA.

Thing is, there comes a point in life when you just need to reflect. The time has come for me. This is a self-reflection post.

I LOVE MY FAMILY SO VERY MUCH. THEY MEAN THE WORLD TO ME, EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.

But first, I need to be in love with myself too, and what I am doing.

I do not want my responsibilites or others’ expectations of me to seem like a burden. And just because I am slightly different than before, it does not mean that I have changed.

I am just… getting to know myself better. <3

“Women need real moments of solitude and self-reflection to balance out how much of ourselves we give away.”

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